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55, a mathematical rule, can’t round it down to fifty, it’s up the hill now to 60.  I don’t even know how I got from 30 to 55 in less than a decade. One day I was giving birth now I am considering my soon to be empty nest. My oldest daughter has moved out, her school was a 5 hour drive from our home. You get used to them being away from home when they go off to college, but somehow things are still the same, they are at school, they come back on long weekends, for Thanksgiving, Christmas, their room is there ready for their visits. For the 6th time I helped her load the rental van and helped her move, this time not in a dorm, sorority house, home full of students but to a real apartment that she will share with a great friend. When I left her with her boxes to unpack I really felt the umbilical cord being cut, the feeling of separation was acute. There she was ready to start her life as an adult, all I could think was, “I hope I raised her to be ready for life, that I did not forget important lessons.” We learn from our mistakes, we don’t know how strong we are until obstacles appear in front of us.  I can’t protect her from life’s difficulties, I can only be there to help when she needs me.

My youngest is a senior in high school, she will be going to school in France this fall. She asked me last night if I will be okay without her, alone in the house. What are my plans? Right now there is so much to do between her plays, our cultural outings, school breaks, her graduation, figuring our how to get her to Paris, figuring out her student housing, visa etc.. and most of all sharing in her joy and excitement to be doing what she’s been wanting to do that my plans are simple. I will have more time to write, I will ask friends if they want to do things with me, I will read a lot more, I will live my life. September will come around, I am sure I will cry when we say goodbye but what else can I do.  You raise your children and set them free. My mother went through the same thing with me, she would get mad at people who asked her why she was letting me move to a different country, her answer was: “I raised her, I don’t own her, why would I stop her from doing what she wants to do? She has free will” I feel the same way about my daughters. Alone? I am stuck with two pets, a cat which is hers and the family dog.

This brings me to a joke I was told years ago by a coworker before I had children.  Three women are discussing the age old argument of when life starts. The first one says, “Of course life starts at conception.” The second woman says, “No life starts at birth.” The third woman says, “You are both wrong, life starts when the children are grown and the pets are gone.”  I agree with the third woman. I am not being callous, my plans don’t include travelling with pets.

I must confess that I have always loved cats. The first year we were married we got a Blue Point Siamese, they have a light grey body, dark grey ears. At the time we had just seen the movie Rambo so we chose that name for this cat. It did not fit him at all, we often called him Kittay or Mr. Kittay. A very vocal and greeter at the door kinda cat, fun to snuggle with and play with. He was our baby for eight years, then we had our first daughter. When our daughter was two years old, he unfortunately got cancer and we had to say goodbye to him. She asked about Ki’i all the time. We got another Blue Point Siamese, unfortunately this one was a mixed Blue Point/Seal Point, which made him much more aggressive. The first week we had him he acted more like a rat then a cat, he would find the smallest crevices, the lowest furniture to hide under. We could not find him for two days, when he finally showed up to eat we were relieved, we did not know where he had been hiding. I had to play spy the cat to see where he had disappeared. I saw him heading for the dishwasher, he got under the frame and started crawling inside, I dove, grabbed his tail then his body and pulled him out. Yelled for some duct tape and taped the hole shut. He got bigger so could not hide as well anymore. We asked our daughter what she would like to name the cat, she chose Babo. As a teenager she asked us what kind of parents let their two year old name the cat, she was trying to say Rambo which would have fit this cat to a T. We told her that is why she had no input in naming her sister. Once I was outside calling the cat, my Korean neighbor came over and asked me what I was saying. I said “I am calling my cat, his name is Babo.” She said, “Did you know that Babo means stupid in Korean.” “No, but it fits him well.” This being during the era of strange phonetic names the vet technicians would always second guess themselves, Baboo, Bobo. No just BaaBo. 

Not sure if kids make your cats crazy or as parents we don’t take as much time to chose the cats but since we’ve had kids we’ve had two cats who are definitely eccentric. Daughter No. 1 sucked her thumb so Babo sucked the tip of his tail, he always managed to slap one of us across the cheek with it. Six and half years later we had our second daughter, he loved to sleep near the baby. Once the girls had a bunk bed he took turn sleeping with them at night, he learned to go up and down the ladder. He didn’t like to play except chasing a string after the girls. As soon as he would hear me read a book he would come and join us on the sofa or the bed. As he got older my youngest daughter really wanted her own cat, even though Babo was sleeping with her since her older sister became a teenager and liked to sleep in her own room with the door closed she still considered Babo her sister’s. We got Daughter No. 2’s cat during a visit to the pet store, we had no idea they would be featuring pet adoption day. It was hard not to like this little calico cat. We adopted her and brought her home. My girls had just read The Hunger Games, a friend had already named her cat Katniss so Prim was chosen. Prim, we were told, had been socialized before she was put up for adoption, which is debatable, she was born to a feral cat. Prim like Babo spent the first week hiding so that we could never find her when friends came over to meet the new cat. She could always find our toes when we got up to go to the bathroom though. She didn’t trust anybody, hid from everybody when we had company, was and is still afraid of her own shadow. We moved five years ago, both cats seem to like their new surroundings. As Babo got older he showed a lot of patience to the new cat who wanted to play all the time. She’d run and pounce on him, he’d just walk after her, bat at her. They became good friends, slept together on a pillow next to my daughter’s head. Babo passed away 3 years ago, he was 19 years old. Prim missed him but she got used to his absence. She is now 6 years old. 

As I type this I am watching Prim drink from the Christmas tree stand. The opening is narrow, she can’t squeeze her face in it but today she decided she is a raccoon, she dips her paw in the water then licks it, there is something about the pine tree flavored water that just attracts her.

Four years ago we added a dog to the equation, a black German Shepherd that was one and half years old. Is he a normal dog? Let’s say he has some issues. He is an outdoor dog, he loves people but dislike dogs, cats, squirrels, mice, rats, birds. Eats insects, has caught more mice in the field than the cat. When he comes in at night for a few hours the cat stays upstairs, he has an extra large kennel in the garage to sleep. His name was Buster but we changed it to Balto because he looks like a wolf, he got used to us, the yard and his new name faster than I ever expected.  He loves to play in the water.

What makes Balto eccentric? Well if you were to walk down our street you would be watching Balto either beating the ground with a large branch until he can break it into more manageable pieces or pushing a large branch in front of him with his paw, looking like he is ready for the high jump or practicing his jousting moves for the Medieval Faire. When he carries a huge branch in his mouth he looks like a tittering high wire trainee ready to run away and join the circus.  Last summer I let a part of the field unmowed, I ended up with my own crop circles thanks to his efforts. Nature supplies him with all the branches his heart desires. He is six years old.

So here I will be left with Prim and Balto to nourish and cherish. When I complain about having pets the girls just laugh and tell me: “Oh mom, you complain but you love them.” I want to go off too and play! Why is mom stuck with two pets when she is getting her second wind? Luckily for all of us we have been able to go on long trips and not worry about our pets because we have a great pet sitter otherwise this mom’s life would have to be reevaluated.

Life changes as your children grow and leave the nest, mom and pets will adapt to the new situation. Prim is sitting at my feet staring at me, in the last few weeks she’s been more friendly, less of a loner, maybe she can feel the change coming. She will miss her sleeping buddy, I have allergies so will not allow her to sleep with me, it might be harder for her to adjust to her new circumstances. Balto is at the gate waiting for me to come out to watch him play in the yard. He will greet the girls when they get home as if they were never away. If he was a person I think he’d be a hippie, living life, enjoying his yard and waiting for her to come home. What do I see in my future? Hopefully regular Skype calls so she can talk to Prim, Balto and me.

I am looking forward to the next chapter of my life in my not so empty nest. If I had not pets? I would still be grateful for the time I had with my girls and would not feel alone. Paraphrasing Maya Angelou: “You are always surrounded by the people you loved and who have passed on, so gather them around you, their spirit will comfort you and help you conquer any obstacle.”

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Robert A. Heinlein

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