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C.S. Lewis wrote: “Part of every misery is misery’s shadow…the fact that you don’t merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer.”

I feel so lucky that I love to read and that I have always had access to great public libraries to fulfill my thirst for entertainment and learning. In the last two years my public library has been there for me when I needed it the most, I could not be where I am without the books it has handed me.  Call it synchronicity, karma, just plain luck but it seems that as soon as I walk in and look around at the display of featured books of the month I stumble on what I need before I even know I need it or that it’s a subject I am interested in. The quote I posted above comes from the book “Option B” by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant. I learned about this book from Mel Robbins’ newsletter whom I discovered via a TED Talk. It’s amazing what the universe sends your way sometimes.

I read and I am still reading lots of books to enrich my soul. To the advice of my oldest friend I kept a journal which I now have on pause, her suggestion to write about my deepest feelings was a great way to let it out from the confine of my brain. I needed that journal to be the keeper of my anger, resentment towards myself, I wrote it like a daily captain’s log, it served it’s purpose. I read some of my first entries and I am amazed at how much I have grown since then. I am glad that that person is part of my past not my present.

It was not just reading that helped me. Somehow I also found the right TED Talks when I needed them.   Brené Brown’s TED Talk on Empathy towards yourself led me to many more talks about resilience, shame, etc. I believe there is a TED Talk on what you are searching for or on every subject you are interested in. Those talks sent me to motivational speakers, to more books, to podcasts, to interviews by Oprah Winfrey on Soul Sunday. It created an amazing circle around me. I found a world full of kindness, full of people who want the world to change for the better by creating a movement that shares kindness instead of indifference, love instead of hate, one person at a time.

Encouragements from family and friends lit the fire that made me accept who I am. They loved me just the way I was, I did not. The journey started a year and a half ago. The biggest step on finding my spiritual freedom was when I realized that I could forgive myself for my choices, that resentment towards myself could have smothered me, I was able to let go and take responsibility for my choices and actions, it allowed me to accept who I am, to move on, to find gratitude and appreciate the important people in my life. My choices have made me who I am, I learned to embrace them, accept them. Dwayne Dyer said: “Give up your history! If you don’t have a story you do not need to live up to it. Give up your past, merge into the moment. The wake of a boat is a trail left behind not what moves it.”

Having accepted my choices my path is now opened,  I feel free, I feel strong, I feel love, kindness and gratitude. I could not have felt all this without letting myself open to the world and by letting resentment go, crossing that bridge gave me a great sense of peace. Holding grudges only  hurt the person hanging on to them, by releasing my resentment the sky became bluer, the sun brighter, if I was religious I would say I felt my guardian angel tap me in the back saying, “Way to let go, be happy.”

What’s on my night stand? Mark Nepo’s “The Book of Awakening”.  Here are two quotes I found in his book.

“The spiritual world is about becoming more at home in your own skin.” Parker J. Palmer

“We could never have guessed, we were already blessed where we are…” James Taylor

May your week be filled with kindness, joy, love and gratitude!