DouceLifeAt50.com

Since the temperatures have dropped even more in the evenings, my footsteps take me to the TV room, where I let myself fall into the welcoming sofa and fuzzy blankets.  The cat is hiding from the dog upstairs under the bed. It’s Friday night and my dog Balto is laying at my feet on his own blanket. Lone human at home on Friday night is becoming the normal for me.  Before you feel sorry for me I want to reassure you that you would be wasting your time. Last Sunday I went to see Colette with some lovely women, on Thursday night I saw a wonderful art exhibit with a friend, tonight is quiet, calm, I am alone but do not feel lonely.  My life has not changed that much since my last chick has vacated this spacious nest. In the days of cohabitation some weekend nights were spent watching movies with one or both of my daughters but more often it was just me reading. What has changed and is a little weird for me is my new found desire to watch movies on Friday nights.  Books are for Sundays and weeknights now. But stranger still, I used to love to watch and read mysteries, now it seems that those give me bad dreams, I do not enjoy running for my life and waking up confused. For sanity’s sake I switched to romance movies which are my least favorite stories unless it is about two misfits helping each other out, if there are animals in it even better, but strangely those give me bad dreams too.  Those dreams are strangely dramatic and colorful. Someone always seems to be trying to hurt me but I seem to know that I am dreaming and change the story so that I escape their bad intentions. I am both director and actor, I feel as if the story downloads as I wake up otherwise how could I know I am dreaming, that no matter what happens I can change the ending, it seems that things always work out for me. What is my subconscious trying to tell me?  I don’t believe that it is warning me against enemies, I am not worried about dying either, however I am still working on learning to love and accept myself, maybe it’s telling me to get on and be done with that. Are my dreams playing out my insecurities? If that is so then I’m doing a good job at facing them and avoiding their poison arrows. My psyche knew to dress me with extra thick pants to protect my calves from the hot silver mask thrown at me, as a female director I obviously know how to protect my precious self.  So this Friday I will pick up where I left off a year and a half ago when I watched movies like “The Way” or “A Walk in the Woods” and documentaries about hikers (Yosemite), bikers in different parts of the world (Tibet) and travellers who enjoy eating food in different countries. I love watching other people beat the elements, pushing themselves to their limits in the comfort of my own home. I am not sure what that says about me. What I know is that I have not watched many movies or television shows in the last year. I have read a lot, gone to live shows, I have pushed myself to occupy my time with participating rather then just watching other people live their adventures.  Bad dreams are a good enough reason for me to only watch television for entertainment once a week. I have become a better listener since I stopped watching the news, I am able to hear people with less preconceived ideas or judgements. Since our news media is very selective on what it thinks is news I feel like I am not missing out on anything. Someone always lets me know what is going on even if I am not interested. Personal stories, humans interest me, by watching documentaries about different cultures I am filling the gap between myself and others, I am creating positive links that are more conducive to peace and love, snippets of sensational stories only seem to spread the chasm.  Hopefully my dreams are bringing me closer to my inner self which will in turn answer some very important questions that I have like “Who am I? What do I want? What is my purpose?”

I have chosen to watch the French movie “Un voyage au Groenland”.  I wish you many happy Friday nights and dreams!