DouceLifeAt50.com

“To see takes time.”  Georgia O’Keeffe

Going through a big shift in your life can be unsettling, paralyzing, confusing,  scary and invigorating but the reward in the end is inner peace.  How did this inner peace show up in my life?  As I was starting to worry again about my future I heard this piece of advice: “You do not need to figure it all out today.”  That simple phrase brought me back to enjoying today, now, it has helped me to let go off a lot of thoughts that were holding me back, that were not serving me.  I have a new compass that points me to questions that are easy to answer: “Does this thought make me feel satisfied or dissatisfied, happy or unhappy, not worried or worried.”  This simple philosophy has caused me to feel at peace with who and where I am in my life.

I am getting better at pointing my compass towards positive thoughts, in doing so I can handle any situation that comes up with greater ease.  It seems that until the last few years I was absent mindedly participating in the living of my life.  Like a game piece on a board game, I followed the arrow without ever questioning if this is where I really wanted to go.  

At the time it felt like I was on the right board, but as the years went by I must have realized subconsciously that there was more to my life then what I was allowing it to be. Fear of the new held me back, I must have gotten bored and fallen asleep which is why I rolled off the board. That fall jolted me awake, something inside me awoke. Once I was able to let go of my ego, I was able to get up and found myself standing on a brand new shiny square.  My heart and brain had to play the Chutes and Ladder roller coaster ride. This simple game was harder than I expected, I kept sliding back down on the forgive myself and resentment chute for months.  As I worked my way through the board I started to feel more satisfied, as I began to forgive myself more and more, the ladders started to replace the chutes, to my gratification I finally reached the last square.  When I stepped off of it a new game was put under my lighter being. As I hoped on to it I saw images of my past, ones I thought had shaped me.  As I carefully walked around them I realized that I needed to jump in the middle of the happy ones in order to let all the negative ones I had internalized go, the board was vibrantly telling me to let go and move forward, that by doing so I was freeing myself from false beliefs.  I was the one who was holding myself back, it was time to fly.  As wings sprouted and carried me gently to my next quest I could feel the weight fall off of me, the happier I got the clearer my vision became.  There below me I could see the anchors just fall away. The higher I got the smaller my wings got, the higher I got the lighter I got.  As I landed and slipped on affirmations I realized that this game board was changing as I went along, this time I was in control of what I wanted to learn, it seemed the cards knew what I needed before I expressed it.  At this point in my life it was time to practice mindfulness and non judgement.  I don’t have much trouble with mindfulness, but non judgement is harder to master.  I feel I am making progress as I watch myself redirect my thoughts as soon as I feel I am making a judgement.  This piece of advice I picked up is helping me combat it: “there is a more loving way of saying that.”

The more grounded I feel, the freer I become, the more connected to the world I feel. There are two hummingbirds who have chosen my yard as their home.  They bring me a lot of pleasure.  They fly around me, they sit on a branch and wait patiently until I bring back the replenished feeder.  They are not afraid to eat while I stand a few feet away.  I love to watch the movement of their wings and the dipping of their beaks in the nectar, the sparkling color of their neck as they turn their necks.  Maybe they know I can fly too.

I wish you all a week full of satisfaction!