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Excerpt from “The Book of Awakening” by Mark Nepo “…old Sufi story about a thirsty man who follows a muddy stream into a cave.  He carries a lantern, holds it before him and finds the clear source which he can drink from.  When feeling muddied and troubled, we must not drink from the mud, but trace its source carefully.”

Christmas has come and gone.  In my mind I see myself holding an opened book that contains 2018, it is voluminous but this 365 page volume feels light and once closed becomes thin and easy to shelve allowing lots of space for 2019.  Each month or chapter brought different experiences, some highlighted my strengths, others my weaknesses. 2018 is leaving me with a new challenge.

In the last few weeks I have questioned my reactions and my motivation.  I have reached a plateau, I feel stuck.  I have felt a war brewing between who I feel I should be and the part of me that is insecure, judgemental and indecisive to name a few of my character flaws, not a fun experience for someone who had been feeling so satisfied with where her life was going.  I did not expect those feelings to come to the surface again, I have been working on my own well being but I must have missed an important step in my self awareness journey.  Fortunately for me the universe has responded to my mental tantrum of: “I hate this, what can I do to fix it?” by steering me towards some new podcasts and audiobooks that included “Shadow Work”.   Shadow Work sounded ominous but I was relieved to find out we all have a shadow side and a light side.  They are both an important part of us,  shadow will try to steer us towards wrong but light will bring us back, they will show us our true mettle.  Since finding satisfaction and a positive outlook on life, any negative or worry like feelings sends a yellow alert to my brain.  If they come from other people it is easy to dismiss them but when they come from within I feel like I have let myself down.   

It is not easy to watch those negative feelings come to the surface.  I need to move forward and free myself from this tug of war in order to make the right decisions and get unstuck.  In order to do that, I have no choice but to look deep within myself and find a way of clearing that old pattern of thoughts.   I do not want my naysayers to muddy up my path so that I stumble and get stuck again.  There have been instances when I reacted in ways that differed greatly from what I expected of myself, those emotions took me by surprise but I believe that they helped me find strength, they  highlighted my resilience and made me face some painful truths, they helped me heal.  Some of my shadows reinforced the foundations of my character but there are others that are trying to smother my new found strengths if I let them.  2019 is bringing changes into my life that are awakening thoughts of uncertainty, worry and doubt.  As self doubt is rearing its ugly head and trying to undermine my resolve, I am determined to defeat it by finding the steps that will clear my muddy stream so that I can drink from it source.   To have a positive outlook is to be happy, I have no desire to lose that.

My new year resolution is to find the steps that will clear away my self doubt so that I can pave the way for something fresh and new.

What is your resolution for the new year?  

“In Jungian psychology, the “shadow“, “Id“, or “shadow aspect/archetype” may refer to (1) an unconscious aspect of the personality which the conscious ego does not identify in itself, or (2) the entirety of the unconscious, i.e., everything of which a person is not fully conscious. In short, the shadow is the “dark side”.

Because one tends to reject or remain ignorant of the least desirable aspects of one’s personality, the shadow is largely negative. There are, however, positive aspects that may also remain hidden in one’s shadow (especially in people with low self-esteem, anxieties, and false beliefs).[1]

Contrary to a Freudian definition of shadow, the Jungian shadow can include everything outside the light of consciousness and may be positive or negative. “Everyone carries a shadow,” Jung wrote, “and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.