With our endless supply of sunny weather the plants, weeds, bushes and trees are growing in front of my eyes. While sitting comfortably in she shade, contemplating an area that should be weed free but is growing enough grass to feed a small sheep, I decided to tackle this eye sore early the next morning, to work a little bit each day until it was done. To celebrate my decision I chose to close my eyes, to listen to the sounds around me and to meditate for the next 10 to 20 minutes. The deck is covered, it has a nice camelia that flanks its left side which birds and bugs seem to enjoy frequenting. I don’t know how long I had been sitting there with my eyes closed and my body relaxed when I heard flapping and sensed a movement to my right, I felt a warm light touch on my forearm as it flew past and landed behind me, I am not sure if it was the feathers or the air displaced by the movement of the wings that caressed my forearm but to me that light touch felt heavenly. I kept my eyes closed, I did not move for several minutes wanting to enjoy this moment and not startle the bird away.
There are a lot of different birds that appreciate the yard, the field and the trees that surround my house. I love birds, they are amazing creatures that make me appreciate my yard and my life. They are the manna from heaven to me. There is not a day that goes by where birds are not showing me something interesting by being what they are supposed to be. They make me laugh, wonder and notice things as they fly around me and land on or near something they want me to see. I believe birds make great teachers when your mind and spirit are ready to see or listen.
Here is one of the reasons I think that. Lesson one: hope. The Anna’s hummingbirds do not migrate, they stay in our area year round which is amazing to me as there are no flowers around for months but they do eat bugs and people provide them with homemade nectar. As the days got shorter and the nights longer I realized that 2 hummingbirds had stayed and were enjoying the nectar I put out. As there were fewer birds around it was easy to notice them, hard to miss their antics as I walked around the area, it was as if they were trying to get my attention. These birds are small but they emit loud chirps, they are agile as they fly around the branches high into the sky and diving back down often using me as a repair point, living me with my mouth opened as they zoomed by. I didn’t know if their chirps was to thank me or to tell me to hurry up as I came out to remove the feeder to go refill it, then they’d wait on a branch near by. Our winters are usually pretty mild with some days that reach freezing temperature, however this year we had a cold front that lasted for several weeks. One day when I went outside later I noticed that the feeder was frozen, the birds were flying around but were unable to feed. After trying several methods of keeping it from freezing, which all failed, I decided to bring the feeder inside at night and bring it out in the morning. Each day when I came out with the feeder I’d wonder if I’d see them again, would they survive these freezing temperatures. Then it snowed, lots of snow that stayed on the branches and on the ground for days, usually the rain comes and melts is all away a few hours later, but not this year. Each morning, as I reached for the hook to hang the nectar, I would wait to hear a chirp, sometimes it would come right away, sometimes I would hear nothing. I would keep my eyes and ears opened any time I was outside with the dog, I would feel relief as one would land on the feeder, then the other. Hummy and Hummette, as I liked to call them, were my beacon of life and hope during the two months as I was hanging on as cancer was slowly taking away someone I love, a continent and an ocean separated us but those birds were keeping her close to my heart. The strength and resilience of these two little birds gave me hope each day, made me think that if they could survive these harsh conditions, so could I. Through them I felt the presence of my dad, who passed away two winters ago. With them, memories of him watching other hummingbirds came back flooding in vividly when I needed a lift of spirit. I remembered his awe at their agility and how they would fly above his head as he sat very still those long summers ago on another deck. I feel blessed to have such great memories of him and to have inherited his love for birds.
It’s spring now, my sister-in-law’s passing in mid-march has created a hole in my life. The garden is lush with flowers, I don’t see the hummingbirds as often but I do hear them. They are competing with bumblebees, bees and other birds for nectar but they manage very well it seems. A few more Anna’s have joined Hummy and Hummette. The garden and its inhabitants are like living postcards that I love to share with others through my photos. Birds always manage to make me smile, laugh or bring me awe at how and what they make me notice.
Lesson 2: I thought it was about me but it turns out the story I was telling myself was wrong or “why we should not automatically make up stories about what is going on.” As I was busy chopping off the branches of a small tree that I feel is crowding and encroaching on a space that cannot hold anything else, a Dark-Eyed Junco (I have the Birds of Washington book) started fussing and chirping loudly above my head. Of course my first thought was: “I am a terrible person messing up the bird’s ecosystem, I am going to have to atone for this.” As I stood up with the clippings in my hands I saw that Prim my daughter’s cat had joined me and was checking out my progress. To my relief the bird was telling the cat to get lost, it had nothing to do with me. So it’s not always about me, sometimes it’s about the cat. The birds don’t know that Prim has no hunting talents.
I am making progress around the yard, each day I pick a section to work on. I use that time to listen to podcasts, music or think about the things I would like to accomplish. I remind myself to keep an opened mind so that I can feel or see each path that presents itself to me or the doors that open. I look for and pay attention to all the positive things that surround me. As I stood back sweaty and dusty I saw that I had accomplished what I had set out to do that day. Since I decided that good enough is all that is needed, it has allowed me to work with a lighter and glader heart. My good enough world is looking postcard perfect in my eyes. As I work towards accepting what cannot be changed, I do not ask why, there are no good answers to that questions, at least not right now. I cry, I laugh and repeat, my feelings are there to help me live each day to the best of my abilities and to maneuver my life towards the right path.
Life is vibrant and colorful around me. Lesson 3: It’s important to take the time to walk around and just be, if I had not been doing that near the barn I would not have noticed the sparrow going under the roof of the old barn. As I approached, it disappeared inside it, another one landed in a little round hole on the siding just below. I decided to leave my curiosity for another day not wanting to disturb them, thinking they might be in the process of building a nest. Several days later when I went in to get my wheelbarrow I took a look around and noticed that they had built a nest above the light. It was silent, I don’t know if they ever used it or not. I admire swallows, they glide in the sky like no other birds, they are easy to identify by their wing shape and the way they manoeuver as they eat bugs in the air. I had not seen them around for at least a week. I wondered where they had gone to when last evening six of them appeared above me.
Lesson 4: Don’t assume anything, have faith in yourself and others, trust that what you need will present itself. Pain and joy are part of the human experience, it does not matter who you are, the losses and the gains bring you closer to who you really are, the birds showed that.
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