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In the past year I have been working on improving what I think about myself and my reactions towards any negative thoughts which I now recognize as unwanted and unnecessary thoughts as they do not help me be the best person I can be.  I can personally say that coming across Mel Robbins and her free #mindset reset videos and practicing meditation as often as I can have improved my life. Of course no amount of advice will work if you don’t believe that you can change your thoughts and improve your life or if you don’t do the work on a daily basis.  I have made progress in several important areas of my life but I still have skirmishes with my thoughts when it comes to my body image and my worth. My personal work included donating the clothes I did not enjoy wearing anymore which is both a good and a bad thing as I don’t appreciate going clothes shopping. IIt was all part of the big plan which was to help me change my image and my personal view of the person I am becoming, it felt good to let go but I found myself with not much to wear.  The question, “what I am going to wear today?” became a real challenge as I dug through my closet for things to wear each day. I was faced with the fact that I would have to face the dressing rooms “monster”. The lighting or “mood” that perhaps the stores are trying to convey, which maybe is to soften our body shapes, seems to accentuate the parts of my body I am trying to hide with the clothes it takes me forever to pick. My ineptness and frustration to see past my perception of my body reflect mercilessly in the mirrors on the wall, that results in finding nothing that fits and leaving the store empty handed.  A few weeks later, thanks to working on my mindset, I had an epiphany after I finished getting dressed. As I looked at my reflection in my well lit mirror, I approved even liked what I saw. It dawned on me that what was reflected back to me was me seen through kinder more loving eyes, I practically jumped for joy as I appreciated my shapely form. It is that simple but not always that easy to maintain, unless I do the work every single day, which of course is a habit I haven’t formed yet. I have decided to think positively about myself as often as possible as I liked the feeling of wholeness that it gave me that morning.  

In late August as I packed my suitcase with the “left over” clothes, I thought “this will have to do, I am going on vacation to see my family.” “I don’t need to impress anybody, maybe I’ll take the time to go shopping there.”  My mom who knew about my clothes plight had already asked my sister which day she was free to take me shopping. I had been there for a couple of days when my sister announced that she would pick me up the next day to take me shopping.  She is the perfect mindset reset “check up” for me. She is twelve years younger then me, pretty, tall, thin, a personal trainer. If we were two characters in “VeggieTales”, she’d be a sexy asparagus with thick eyelashes, I’d be a pear or an apple with short eyelashes, the funny side kick.  She is a great little sister, a few years ago on one of our shopping outings as I was struggling with a top, I commented that she would look good in anything. “You are wrong and I will prove it to you,” she responded. She found an outfit and put it on, to my surprise it did look awful on her, we both burst out laughing in the dressing room, which is one of my favorite memories of our time together, I appreciated her cheering me up.  My daughter decided to join us. My sister had seen clothes in a boutique she thought I would like. After much hesitation on what I wanted to try, I was told to go in one of the dressing rooms where I waited to try on what my sister, my daughter and the sale’s person handed me. Under my sister’s admonitions of “stop hiding your body, that’s too long, stop pulling the blouse down, this will fit your body shape better, you told me you needed clothes to go out more, etc..” and my daughter agreeing with her, I gave in, accepted their “expertise”, I liked quite a few of their choices and vetoed some.   I tried on what felt like many different outfits, in different sizes. I had more than the mirror to tell me how I felt about the clothes and colors I was putting on but their eyes and positive comments to change my mind about the whole experience. After what felt like hours, I left the store armed with two pairs of pants, three blouses and two short blazers. I breathed a sigh of relief and said, “I am done, I am not going anywhere else, thank you for helping me find these nice fall clothes.” My sister’s quick response was, “You’re welcome! You need new shoes to go with those clothes, let’s go look in the shoe store.”  “I don’t have room in my suitcase, I’ll look for shoes at home” I responded gleefully as I followed her into the shoe store, I did not see anything I wanted to try on. I would be bringing back new clothes and chocolate. It turned out my prediction was correct. I had to leave some of my summer clothes at my mom’s. Fall clothes take up more space than t-shirts and capris. I don’t know when I will return for a visit or what season it will be. I will probably have to go shopping for new summer clothes. Fortunately for me I have time to practice my thoughts so that I will appreciate the body that will reflect back from the dressing room mirror.  There is no magic potion that will do the work for me, only non judgement and self appreciation can reflect back through the mirror what I really want and need to see.

Shopping does not need to feel like a chore or a thing I dislike, it can be thought of as a game and a check on my mindfulness progress.  I am not waiting for the dressing room mirrors, I am practicing positive thoughts or compliments as often as I catch a negative thought about my body.   It is not always easy to shut my ego and not compare myself to what or whom I think I am supposed to look like, or ideals that I cannot reach. However, it is becoming easier to deflect the negative and replace it with a more positive thoughts.  I have found that by reminding myself how healthy I am and feeling grateful for all the things my body is able to do, that I feel much more appreciative of it. I am getting better at giving myself compliments and receiving them. It is time to be as kind towards myself as I am towards others.   Mindfulness has helped me improve the quality of my life and appreciate it more.  

Happy reflection!