“… Space-time does not evolve, it simply exists.”
As I reached for my phone ready to take a picture of the thick carpet of leaves created by the large-leaf maple, my boots sinking into them, a thought came into my mind: “Didn’t I take the same picture last fall?” Why did it feel as if it was just a few weeks ago instead of a year ago? The words ‘time continuum’ popped into my head, I don’t know why as I have never been interested in space science. It seems that my brain stores my pictures as well as the icloud does. It felt strange and odd to see the projection of it in my mind while I looked at the current one on the phone screen. Although the one in my brain was prettier, it had been a sunny day a year ago. I even remember writing a short commentary about raking the leaves. The time continuum thought was replaced by the voice inside me, it was trying to tell me how I had wasted a whole year, here I was back again with nothing much to show my progress. I was ready to feel sorry for myself as the voice taunted me, trying to crash my joy, trying to replace it with “the horror of time passing”. I could feel my old habit of berating myself rear its ugly head, ready to attack me with my old beliefs. I knew that if I let it take hold of my mind, it would go on and on until the beauty of the day disappeared from my view and I would lose the perspective of who I had become and the progress I had made. So instead, I chose to change my thoughts, I shut the old me up and allowed the newer me to emerge and jump away from the downward spiral. I chose to look down at my feet, to notice how I felt standing still. I looked at the colors and sizes of the leaves I disturbed as I started moving around making a swish sound. I looked up to search for the hummingbirds chirping above my head. As I moved away from the cover of the tree, a flock of small birds distracted me by flying above me, they entertained me with their amazing flying ballet, which I would have missed had I kept my head and spirit down. I am well aware of the things I have not done and all my hesitations about the actions I need to take, but I do not want them to stop me from feeling good about myself or from taking away from my life, diminishing its value. There are beliefs and fears I am still working on but being able to appreciate what I have done so far, no matter how slowly my progress is, feels like a great accomplishment to me.
My life has had many seasons, my body and spirit have followed an interesting cycle of growth. I have experienced the hibernation of winters, the growth of springs, the vibrancy of summers and the letting go of autumns. I might not be moving and growing as fast as I sometimes think I should, but that is how I am, I move at my own pace. I have evolved into a better person, I have learned to be patient, good things take time and care to grow. When I take the time to stop and listen, I learn something new, other possibilities and ideas come to light. I am not surprised that some of my ahas and happiest moments have happened when I was standing still thus ready to hear. Standing still allows me to feel part of this amazing world, it paves the way towards accepting and learning more about myself.
As the seasons change, so do I, I go with the flow, the layers that once kept me from enjoying who I am are slowly but with less effort peeling away. My personal definition of existing is: ‘becoming myself so that I can better appreciate life.’ Evolving: ‘learning to know myself,’ which is an experience I do not want to miss.
Knowing your true self will make you feel powerful instead of powerless in your own life. Space-time might not evolve but life sure does!
Space Trivia: What flavor ice cream did Baskin-Robbins release in 1969 to commemorate America’s landing on the moon? (from conversationstarter.com)
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