“Old ways won’t open new doors!” “Refresh your relationships and your thoughts.” (Les Brown)
The Pacific Northwest is a great place to practice positive thinking and feelings, I heard it rained everyday in January. I am only stating the facts not making any kind of judgement. When the layer of clouds parts to let the sunlight peek through I am thankful when I can drop everything to go outside and look at the blue sky and feel the light. It has rained so much that my yard has turned into a giant wet sponge, there are puddles everywhere. It’s a good thing I like moss because it is taking over the yard, the walkways and the roof, I’ll deal with it in the spring.
Last night on my way to bed my eyes caught some sparkling lights in the high window, I stopped and realized I could see a couple of stars. I stepped outside on the deck to have a better look, you never know when you will see the beautiful dark blue background highlighting the heavens again. I know the sky is always there above the layer of clouds but not seeing it makes me forget how beautiful it truly is. I went to bed with the hope that the cold I had experienced outside meant that the sky would stay clear and there would be sun in the morning. I woke up to silence, I sat up in bed and realized it was not raining.
While I was making my coffee I could not tell from the kitchen window if the sky was just pale because it was still early or if the clouds had returned. I went outside to see if my wish for sunshine had come true, to my joy it was, I noticed the roofs had frosted during the night, and that indeed I was seeing the light blue color of the start of a clear day. As the sun started to shine brightly around the house, I decided to take the dog for a walk and enjoy the sunshine before it moved beyond the trees and the house. A truly beautiful midday, the air felt crisp on my cheeks, and the sky was a blessed blue, the sun rays were warm and made my vision so much brighter. A great contrast from the heavy rains we have had in the last few weeks. Contrast is there to make us appreciate its opposite, thanks to all the rain our region is very lush and green.
As I walked I felt very light, how strange I thought that there is such a contrast within me. I feel light, healthy and strong. My heart and soul are happy, I have been feeling very light on my feet for months now but my inner feelings don’t match my outer shell. I do not understand this contrast, I am overweight and I am far from having achieved the things my mind tells me I should have or how I should look to be successful. Yet here I am feeling light, at peace, content and grateful with only part of the life I thought I wanted or needed. I feel a split or a divide between my thoughts and my soul. I think I have finally come to understand what the power of our conscious thoughts can do for us. They can be a force that will make us happy or unhappy. I also understand the adage “if you change your thoughts you will change your life.” I have taken the reins of control over my conscious thoughts.
As I match my steps to Balto’s, my two legs to his four beats, I am proud of keeping up the tempo all the way up the hill. For some reason, today he is not pulling me down the other side of the hill, I think he appreciates that I have taken him for a walk instead of just walking around the yard in the heavy rain. As we come around the bend towards the house I see my shadow and think: “my mental weight matches my shadow weight.” “I am happy but why do I still feel stuck?”
Now I know what I need to do next, I had not paid attention to the universe arrow that had kept bringing mentions of core beliefs and subconscious thoughts in the articles I have read and interviews I have watched. How do I figure out what my deep mental images are? It is time to start asking questions that require very honest answers. So I decided to write these questions in my journal: “why do I feel the need to be pretty and thin to succeed, why do I always use the adjectives fat (I don’t use that word as often as I used to, on the conscious level I change my self talk a lot) and not pretty when I think of myself?” Several days later I got an email offering a free conference that showcased some of my favorite speakers. You can’t argue with the universe. I signed up and was not surprised when I heard several times: core beliefs sabotage us and keep us from achieving our goals. During one of the interviews, Sonia Ricoti said to Rhonda Britten during their segment: “I feel I need to bring up this subject because someone needs to hear this. At the end of one of my workshops someone told me that she wanted to do what I was doing but felt she could not do so because she did not look like me.” (Wow, the universe knows me well). As a response Rhonda Britten told her story. When she first started in the business she had her first workshop in her house, which was old, she was also overweight and felt the venue and herself did not match the image of a successful coach. I am paraphrasing her: “…She prayed, the answer she got was: “You gained the weight to prove to yourself that people are coming to listen to you not for what you look like but for what you have to say, and also to learn to love all the parts of yourself.” Well, touché I thought, sometimes you sign up for a free online live conference and your question gets answered unexpectedly. Deep down I feel that her answer rings true for me, I have to accept the fact that I am trying to prove to myself that I can be loved no matter how I look but most of all I have to learn to love all the parts of myself too and to learn self worth. With self love and self worth comes successful living and a successful life.
I have gotten much better at choosing my thoughts and emotions which has given me greater control over my life but I now know that without working on my old core beliefs, I will not attain the kind of self love and self worth that I strive for. The journey has been an interesting one so far, I look forward to my continued personal growth. This year seems to be the year in which I will be attending workshops in person and online to give myself the boost I need to fly higher and to keep stepping out of each new comfort zone I master.
P.S. I almost forgot to say that I have signed up for flamenco dance lessons. Nothing like seeing yourself in the mirror as you learn to use your “plantas” and “talóns”. I never wear heels and have never taken a dance lesson in my life. Why flamenco dancing? I love the music, the gestures and you don’t need a partner. Attending my second lesson this week even though I look nothing like my image of a flamenco dancer, I wear yoga pants, a t-shirt and heels. I am smiling just thinking about it. I might as well get some exercise and have fun while changing some of the views I have about myself.
DouceLifeAt50.com 
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