“The sculpture is already complete within the marble block, before I start my work. It is already there, I just have to chisel away the superfluous material.” Michelangelo
In the last few weeks I have been pondering on how to reach my subconscious and hone my inner voice/intuition/instinct. I feel that mine should work better than it does, sometimes I even wonder if I will ever truly develop it. How do I go about finding the certainty of my decisions, is it even possible? How do I know if what I do is the right thing to do? Just for fun I googled the question “how do you find your intuition” in the search box. As I finished typing there was a whole list of suggested searches from how do you know your intuition is right to how do you develop your intuition. I clicked on my search and was presented with a summary list on how to do it.
“1. Shh. Listen… “ ✔️ I meditate regularly
“2. Trust your gut feelings…” ✔️ I know that intuition is a guiding light, I was told that if it feels right follow it. I am confused because I usually feel right when I hear a little voice that says, have that nice glass of wine or of course you can have two of those delicious ginger spiced cookies, they are small. That voice sounds very kind, it obviously comes from the angel on my shoulder, not the devil. If it was wrong I would of course feel bad, wouldn’t I? As the flavors make my taste buds sing I can see nothing wrong with my decisions.
“3. Feel…“ ✔️ did that in step 2.
“ 4. Be ready to let go of bad feelings…” ✔️ did that in step 2.
I decided to leave that matter for later and concentrate on writing an essay. After starting on one idea than abandoning it for another one I realized that neither one was very interesting to write about, at least for the time present. It obviously was not what I wanted to talk about so I closed my laptop and decided to do step 1. “Shh. Listen.” After a little while I felt the urge to take a walk. When I feel any frustration coming on I usually meditate but it was too nice to stay indoors. During my meditations I had been asking questions about opening my eyes to my subconscious core beliefs and for help in developing my intuition, so far I had not heard clear responses. As I huffed and puffed up the hill I felt I was spending my time wisely. I breathed in the cold air and felt alive, I would just have to be patient. As I reached the top of the hill Michelangelo’s quote popped into my mind. I had visited Florence and admired his David, so the image of his statue was clear in my mind. I felt in my gut that I had been given a good insight, but I had been asking for a good idea for an essay. As I thought of the quote I realized that there was another added bonus, I had taken photos of his David. I always feel very happy when I can use some of my favorite photos for the blog. That was the sign, I would find a way to use both in my essay. As soon as I got back I sat down in front of my computer with high expectations but after a long while nothing had emerged from my fingers. I closed my laptop and decided to let Michelangelo’s quote incubate for however long it would take, but hopefully no later than Tuesday, as I had given myself a deadline for my post. So for the next few days I went on to meditate, ask my questions and got on with my life.
A couple of days later, as I wrote my morning pages while enjoying my tea, I realized that what I was putting down on paper belonged in an essay not in the journal. As I looked around me for a notebook to jot down my thoughts, it dawned on me that I had been buying notebooks for different projects, exercises and ideas, but each time I was picking one up for the use it was intended for I would find an excuse not to utilize it. Well what do you know, that felt like a subconscious sabotaging core belief, that discovery called for another mug of chai tea and led me to grab a notebook. I opened it and read, “to my friend Romaine, May your thoughts always express everything that is in your beautiful heart. 6/22/1999” How embarrassing, I had been saving this gift for almost 11 years. Coincidence? I have heard it said that there are no coincidences, I am starting to believe that, I had grabbed the one notebook that could illustrate what I thought of my ideas, they were not good enough. I decided then and there that I had put off expressing my thoughts in that journal for too long. It was time to express my feelings about my feelings. I wrote using my favorite gel pen: “New era for me, I will from now on use my special notebooks because that is what they are for.”
I was almost mad at my core belief for making me feel like I am not good enough for the kind of paper that doesn’t bleed through. But, as I kept on writing in the journal, I felt the relief of letting go of those feelings. As I thought, “one core belief excavated, how many more are there and what do I do with what I know?” The name Don Quixote flashed across my brain. I wondered why my messages don’t ever make sense when I receive them. I am the type of person who can’t help but follow directions so I looked up Don Quixote. He fought windmills which he thought were ferocious giants, he could not see them for what they were. Once again, my inner voice proved that it knows me intimately, I learn through my imagination and concrete examples. Got it, thank you! Core beliefs are not the monsters we think they are, once you know what they do, you can use them to make them work for you instead of against you. But what about ”step 2. trust your gut?” Eating sugar is not good for me, as I get older I want to avoid inflammation in my body. I am becoming a believer of if you ask it will come to you. My search for a video on YouTube about intuition proved fruitful. As I listened, I discovered that I had chosen the one that actually answered my question. I understand it this way, both the angel and the devil on my shoulders are real, as I have said earlier I like imagery, I have watched enough cartoons in my life to know what they look like. The little red devil is the shadow intuition or inner voice, the good inner voice is the angel. The shadow inner voice represents what I need to fix about the thoughts that have led me to this point, in my case it is my subconscious thoughts about how I view myself and my body.
By chiseling away I have discovered that those core beliefs are just chatter, they are stories I have made up and come to believe to be true about who I am. It is with comfort and reassurance that I decided to keep carving away to expose the thoughts that hold me back from my creativity, from daring, from doing things I know I love to do and from my true potential. It’s always a good thing to discover the reasons behind your actions, reactions or habits, even if you have to listen to the cute little red devil and thank it, the more I learn about it the less scary it becomes.
This chipping away has opened my eyes and shown me that there is no reason to wait for a special occasion to do something or use something, what if that occasion has already passed? What if I am the special occasion? It has also revealed to me that the shadow part of me is here to highlight the areas of my life that I don’t like. As I uncover more of the statue in the marble, I am grateful that I am willing and able to keep sculpting away so that I can unveil and celebrate the work already done.
DouceLifeAt50.com 
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