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The summer season is almost over but not for me. It seems that all the heat and joy that were generated in the last couple of months are still radiating from inside myself and show no sign of ever abating. What is the recipe for this feeling of sunshine or inner joy and peace?  It is a daily choice I make as soon as I wake up. Do I want to feel joy or not, abundance or lack? Don’t get me wrong, it is not always easy to let the daily worries of life that niggle at you skip by, but with practice I’ve learned that there are things I cannot change especially when it comes to other people’s life, I can only be present, steady and joyful which in turns makes me a better mom, sister, aunt, friend, etc…  What do I do about all the daily niggling thoughts that run through my brain? I try to remove them from my mind and replace them by positive ones. I’ve learned to relax and set the tone for the day, to just let go. My journey started three years ago. I am finally breaking through the barriers I built around myself, I am able to look back and see the past as a necessary journey, accept it and be in the present. What brought my resolve to the front you may ask?  A summer vacation is the culprit, for the first time in “like forever” I allowed myself to be myself, to not worry about other people, to enjoy every moment, in short to just have fun. How did it start?

I signed up for a two-week vacation to Italy with my two daughters, one daughter’s friend, and two very close cousins by marriage and their family, ten people, ten suitcases in all. One cousin who is amazing at organizing trips pulled it all off for us, the rest of us got to enjoy her many days of research. When the trip was first brought up I knew I had to join them no matter what, so I acted accordingly without worrying about how my other half from a different life would feel. That first step on caring about how I felt and what I really needed led to a vacation that only brought me joy. I knew from the moment that I got the airline tickets that I would have fun. I don’t know how we did it but I am impressed that we managed to visit Rome, Venice, Florence, Cinque Terre and Milan in two weeks, moving ten people from city to city, apartment to apartment, traveling by train, 1 teen, 5 young adults, and 4 adults, with such ease, for 5 of them it was their first trip outside the US.  All I felt during the trip was awe at the beauty we saw, gratefulness at being part of it and especially joy of being where I was. I would visit those cities again. Yes it was hot and yes it was crowded but YES it was a trip of a lifetime.

What did I find when I got home? Dog happy to see me. Cat who started peeing on the guest bed and the old leather sofa, dried grass, hazy skies due to fires in California, southern Oregon and Canada, school housing search, work search.  Just our normal. Today? Cat is on antibiotic and using the litter box it seems, dog barking for attention, laundry almost caught up, yard still dry but getting some attention, writing. I am unable to get upset or worried. I remind myself that things always end up working out for me.

What comes next?  I seem to be only able to move forward, I seem unable to accept the things that no longer make me happy.  I have to be true to myself. The future is now my present, I feel like I have a lot of time to live my life and enjoy my daughters and my family, doing what one loves really takes away the fear of running out of time and dying before you can enjoy your life.

If you are on you own personal journey just know that you will probably regress at times, let it all happen, you will win the battle in the end. Your inner being will guide you.  Look for all the abundance of life around you and let joy in.

Here is a mantra that I chose for myself after listening to Deepak Chopra 21 day Abundance Meditation. Today I accept who I am, I invite joy and abundance into my life.

I will be busy practicing being happy. May you chose your own happy path!