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As a child, one of the favorite things that I looked forward to was to be handed an advent calendar on the first day of December.  I loved propping open the little cardboard shutters and looking at the pictures in the little windows, the last one the biggest with its double shutters.  It might seem late for me to bring up the advent calendar, after all we are at the end of January, but this is the image that popped into my mind after I surprised myself with the realisation I was taking steps in the right direction, that I had been growing without noticing it.  It all started as I was gathering my things to go snowshoeing for the first time in a year.  As I wondered about how the day would unfold, the words that popped into my mind were “I am out of practice.”   I was so surprised that I almost dropped my clothes.  My words would normally have been “I am out of shape and fat, how will I keep up?”  

“I am out of practice” sounded so much gentler and kinder to me, a much nicer way to talk to myself.  It rang true to my ears as I was out of practice as far as snowshoeing was concerned.  By thinking those words, I had stopped lowering the bar of expectations, it felt like a victory towards personal power.   Yes, I was simply out of practice and wasn’t I just lucky to be able to go snowshoeing with my best friend, to spend several hours traipsing in the snow and getting my lungs full of fresh air.  It made me feel up to the task even though it had been a year since I had last donned snowshoes.  That simple phrase made me feel happier, my heart felt lighter and very grateful.  I had used a more positive expression instead of a negative one to address myself.  I felt a sense of relief that the words had come out with no forethought and no rehearsal on my part.  It gave me hope and the feeling that I had opened another little window to self discovery and to allow more light into my heart and soul.   Sometimes the simplest things bring the most joy and make for a stronger base for hope and personal power.  

I felt thankful that the work I have been doing was paying off.  I have been working on paying attention to how I talk to myself or about myself.  Any time I catch myself judging myself or others I redirect my thoughts towards a kinder more generous vocabulary.  It is an exercise that brings with it more peace and helps me feel stronger and more grounded.  It looks as if this practice is bearing fruits.  It might not seem like much of a triumph for you but for me it is a huge step forward as I am very critical of myself.  It has always been easy for me to see the positive, the good, the talent or intelligence in other people but much more difficult to see or find those in myself.  It feels truly amazing to feel the power that my own positive words have over me.  I believe that our words shape our world but it is one thing to believe it and another to put it into practice.   We get used to the negative, the familiar stories about ourselves even if it is to our own detriment, to our own discomfort or even if it brings us pain.  But it is possible to change for the better by simply changing our internal dialogue and choosing to be kind.  We can become happier and improve our lives, before we know it, we have started a domino effect within ourselves then outward it goes, paving the way for more kindness.

Like an advent calendar I am full of little closed windows waiting to be discovered and opened.  This one little window that opened is shining from deep inside of me, lighting my heart and soul and projecting itself outward empowering me, making me feel more in charge of my thoughts thus my life.  I am looking forward to finding and opening many more little windows.  I know that each new window I open will bring interesting personal growth.